Every year as Halloween approaches, I have to fight the desire to ignore the bell, bolt my door shut, and drown my sorrows in the bags of Milky Ways and M&Ms I pretended to buy for the neurotypical little goblins who pass my way. Personally I find Halloween to be the most painful time for parents of children with special needs, outside of IEP season that is, if only because those otherwise “ordinary” joys of childhood are paraded around right in front of your doorstep. Since crying in my chocolate will only ruin the chocolate, I have no choice but to laugh. So I thought I’d combine the two most painful things for parents of children with special needs – Halloween and IEPs–and share my thoughts on what some mom’s who may actually like Halloween might say at an IEP meeting.

Zombie’s mom – Take away my son’s chance for a real future, Over My Dead Body!

Goblin’s mom – Of course he goes bump in the night, that’s why I’m asking for PT services.

Dracula’s mom – Watching my son struggle through school without appropriate support is like a stake in my
heart.

Cannibal’s mom – What do you mean you won’t let him eat lunch with the other children!

Vampire’s mom – Suspend my son for sleeping in school during the daytime, really, what do you expect?

Casper’s mom – You treat my son like he’s invisible.

Zombie’s mom – My daughter’s goals should rest in IEPeace.

Werewolf’s mom – Every month my son can transition from boy to a wolf, but you can’t transition him out of high school!

Good Witch – Expecting my child to learn with the curriculum and all you people have provided, is magic thinking.

Skeleton’s mom – The team cut my child’s services down to the bare bones.

Mother of Two-headed Monster – Really my son has two good heads on his shoulders and you tell me your team can’t teach him!

Mother of Thing – A good OT, that’s all I ask!

Mommy of the Mummy- The school nurse said she wouldn’t let my son back in school until she knew what was under those bandages.

Mother of Cousin ‘It’ – How come every time there’s a case of head lice, you send my son home?

Loch Ness Monster’s mom – How could you already have an appropriate program for him, he’s the only one of his kind.

Big Foot’s mom – How can you properly service him if you don’t even believe he exists?

Ghost’s mom – All I want is a communication device. Being both invisible and non-verbal does impact his education.

Vampire’s mom – My child needs a change of placement — night school.

Frankenstein’s mom – Putting Frank in a chemistry class in front of a bunsun burner was just asking for trouble, didn’t anyone read his IEP?

Godzilla’s mom – If he wanted to eat you he would’ve done it long before now, so stop using that as an excuse not to teach him.

Vampire’s mom – He couldn’t have missed the deadline, he’s over one hundred years old.

Frankenstein’s mother – You can’t discriminate against my son based on the color of his skin.

Cyclop’s mom – A vision itinerant? Why?

Robot’s mom – Computer lab is the only place that feels like inclusion.

Mother of the Incredible Hulk – If you had a sufficient behavior plan…

Mother of the Invisible Man – If you mark my son absent one more time while he’s in school, I’m going to file due process.

With 19 days before the election, having just watched the final Presidential debate, it is time for me to publicly weigh in on the issues that are most vital to me. Not surprisingly, among the primary issues for me are  education and special education. Senator McCain’s position in favor of vouchers will in no way strengthen public schools, any more than draining blood from a person fortifies their health. Although public schools have much to improve upon, and I will and have fought on a case by case basis for out of district placements; to systemically weaken public education would not make for a better education system and in the process would not help nor improve the lot of students with special needs. It is an ideological position that will permanently and irrevocably leave students with special needs behind.

I have been simmering on a daily basis every time Governor Palin holds up her son Trig as a political symbol. I have to say, that I think all small children should be left out of the political forum, and it is wrong to use an infant with special needs as an emblem of your own personal rectitude.  As to her comments that she will be an advocate for children with special needs, this statement rings hollow with me personally. She may be sincere in these statements, but I do not think she realizes how little she knows about what it means to raise a child with special needs, or the daily struggles against deeply ingrained stereotypes about children with Downs and special needs generally.

She has not even begun to know the daily pain of fighting small battles when well-meaning people touch your young child’s head and body invading any sense of personal space and privacy. Or the people who say "is he tired" for the umpteenth time when he is slumped on your shoulder; the reality is that his head control has disappeared that day, and you would prefer to just have a private outing with your family without well meaning intrusions. Obviously, the big arena that she has not experienced at all is the fights over so many things in school. In this life it is important to know what you know, and it is even more important to know what you do not know. She does not have any sense as to how much she does not know. She is not a knowledgeable member of this involuntary club called "Special Needs Parenthood" and I am disturbed that she thinks she is.

Finally tonight when Senator McCain brought up research for autism as a political brownie point, I had to speak out.  He has obviously read the statistics from the CDC that 1 in 150 children have autism, which represents a lot of moms, dads, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends and others that care about children with autism. It is wrong at this late date to shill yourself as a champion for the vulnerable populations of children with autism, when he has no record to speak of before now. Senator Obama and for that matter Senator Clinton have taken affirmative positions on funding and supporting efforts for children with autism.

Children with special needs whether those with Downs or Autism or CP or any other disability are not emblems to be held up for political gain. It is offensive and wrong! If Senator McCain’s voting record with President Bush was not enough to disqualify him for the Presidency, then his use of children with special needs as a political tool certainly rules him out once and for all. I think Senator Obama is thoughtful and steady and qualified,  but he has also shown that he is respectful of the people and issues that matter most to me. He has my vote and for what it is worth my hearty endorsement.